Mean Has Become the Mood
The world doesn’t need more mean. It needs softer hearts.
This post started with a moment that made me uncomfortable… with myself.
I came across a viral clip for the umpteenth time this week. The one that’s been circulating for days. You’ve probably seen it. A public figure caught in a vulnerable moment at a concert. It became instant fuel for memes, commentary, and jokes.
I laughed. I shared it during the week. And then today, I paused…not because I was better than it but because I realized I was part of it. Part of the pile-on. And for a second, I imagined, what if that clip had been someone I loved?
The shame hit quickly. Because what I was laughing at was someone’s real pain. Someone’s career. Their wife, their children. Their life unraveling in real time.
And I couldn’t stop thinking: When did we stop offering grace? When did we get so comfortable finding humor in someone else’s hurt? That’s where this post began. Not in judgment. In accountability.
They say we’re living in the age of information. I think we’re living in the age of mean.
Mean has become trendy. Viral. A personality trait. A punchline. It’s the eye roll on a podcast. The snarky or passive aggressive comment. The “just joking” jab in a group text. Sarcasm is mistaken for humor, cruelty is passed off as honesty and somehow, it’s become… normal.
I wish I could say I’ve only ever been on the receiving end of it but that wouldn’t be honest. Sometimes I’ve laughed. Sometimes I’ve joined in. Sometimes I’ve said something that landed sharper than I meant, only to sit with the ick of it afterward.
Social media is often the culprit. It’s a highlight reel of hot takes, savage comebacks, and petty call-outs masked as “just being real.” Somewhere along the scroll, empathy got muted and entertainment took the mic. We don’t even realize how easily we turn people into punchlines.
And it’s not just online. It’s become part of our day-to-day. The moments we blurt before we think, all in the name of honesty, humor, or venting. Somewhere along the way, we started thinking that if we weren’t sharp, we’d be stepped on. That if we didn’t clap back, we’d look…weak. We began using meanness as a shield to prove we’re not a pushover, not a punching bag, not the one who gets walked all over.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to be mean to be strong. You don’t have to tear someone down to stand your ground. Being firm doesn’t require being cruel. And being hurt doesn’t justify being hurtful.
Kindness isn’t weakness. It’s control. It’s character. It’s choosing to be bigger without making someone else feel small.
A few years ago, I lost someone I had known almost my whole life and whom I deeply cared about over a single social media post. It wasn’t meant for them. It wasn’t about them. Just one of those vague opinion posts we all scroll past a thousand times; until it hits the wrong heart.
They didn’t reach out. They didn’t ask. They snapped back hard. With words that cut so deep, I can still hear them echoing in my brain 4 years later. And then they unfriended me. And just like that… it was over.I truly believe that if one of us had said something sooner, it might have been saved. But the silence lingered too long. The pain for me has lingered even longer.
Maybe we were both hurt. Maybe we both thought we were right. But what I know for sure is this: It never had to be mean. We could’ve disagreed. We could’ve talked. We could’ve led with grace.
Politics. Parenting. Religion. Vaccines. Values. We don’t have to agree on everything. But we don’t have to destroy each other to make a point.
You can disagree without demeaning. You can hold your convictions without cutting someone else down. We’ve made meanness a knee-jerk reaction to discomfort and this has become the new normal.
So here’s what I’m trying to do differently. It’s a simple 3-step gut check before I speak, post, joke, or react (especially when I’m upset):
What’s my intent? Am I trying to solve something… or just trying to sting?
How might this land? Would it make someone feel seen or small?
Does it reflect who I want to be? Not just in this moment, but in the long run?
It’s okay to be upset It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to tell someone how they made you feel; as long as the goal is to connect, not to cut. There’s nothing wrong with saying: “That didn’t sit right with me.” That kind of honesty isn’t weakness. It’s courage wrapped in calm.
Because you can be strong and not mean. You can speak your truth without making someone else feel less than. You can lead without tearing people down. You can express hurt without being hurtful. You can set boundaries without humiliation.
Being nice doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. It doesn’t mean staying silent when someone mistreats you. It doesn’t mean keeping people in your life who continue to belittle, manipulate, or dismiss you; even after you’ve spoken up.
Kindness also includes self-kindness. Sometimes walking away is the most powerful (and peaceful) response there is.
Psychologists say that true emotional intelligence is the ability to pause, assess, and respond with intention and is actually one of the greatest indicators of maturity and leadership.
The strongest person in the room isn’t always the loudest. Sometimes it’s the one who knows when to pause. To walk away. To say nothing at all.
So, this post isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s a mirror. A reminder that we’re all a work-in-progress. Because I’ve been on both sides and I want to do better. I want to teach my kids better. And I want to live in a world where mean isn’t the default setting.
Moving forward, I’m going to choose to walk in kindness; even when it’s hard. Not because I’m perfect. But because I’m tired of mean being the mood. And I will not always get it right, but I can sure try to be better. Because being mean is easy, but being kind takes guts.
Mean may be the mood of the moment… But it doesn’t have to be mine.